omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
