i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize