I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
