I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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