I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
