I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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