There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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