Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
