I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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