Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
