im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize