brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize