I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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