Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
