you traded sex for a burrito?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
