When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
