Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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