there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
