if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
