Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
