if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
