i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dignity is for republicans.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
How's work?
Spinning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
