All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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