I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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