Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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