sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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