im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
