I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
