im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
