Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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