Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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