your parents love me but you hate me
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
