DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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