This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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