I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
