so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
