If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
