That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
