i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Terrible idea I love it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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