we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drunk is not a location!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize