Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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