Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
