You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
