A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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