ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
