After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
