This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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