Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
