Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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