thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
