just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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