just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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