fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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