I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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