Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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