You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
