the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up under a house in Key West
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
