I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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