So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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