There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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