Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize
