omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
