On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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