My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
