I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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