She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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