If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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