dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
