That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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