Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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