i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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