Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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