Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
